SEXUALLY HARASSED Question: Has anyone ever heard of a man suing for sexual harassment—and winning?
The recent sexual harassment allegations involving Buffalo School Board member Lewis “Muki” Hawkins got me thinking again about this entire issue.
As I stated in a previous column, I am skeptical about these allegations and believe they deserve close scrutiny before anyone is judged guilty. When lawsuits involve public officials and poten tially taxpayer money, taxpayers have every right to ask questions and demand evidence. But this controversy also got me thinking about my own younger days—back when I was young, dumb and full of ****.
Before I got married, I had my share of relation ships with different women. Some relation ships were good. Others were about as crazy as a fruitcake. Over the years, I experienced the entire range of jealous behavior: smashed car windows, ruined clothes, unwanted confrontations and more.
I will never forget one jealous girlfriend who found out I was at another woman’s house. At about 4 o’clock in the morning, she apparently started calling cab companies and sending taxis to the house. For hours, cabs were showing up outside and blowing their horns. Eventually, I had no choice but to leave.
That experience taught me something: jealousy and rejection can bring out some strange behavior in people—men and women. That brings me to a question we don’t talk about very often: Can a man be sexually harassed by a woman? Of course he can.
There are men who know exactly what it feels like to receive unwanted advances, persistent phone calls, inappropriate touching or attention that continues after they have made it clear they aren’t interested. Yet, when a man complains about such behavior, society sometimes treats it as a joke. “Man, what’s wrong with you?” “She likes you!” “You should be happy!”
But unwanted is unwanted, regardless of whether the person doing the pursuing is a man or a woman. I’m also glad my single days occurred long before the Me Too era. Back then, men were generally expected to approach women, ask them out and pursue relationships. Sometimes a man got a yes. Sometimes he got a no. Hopefully, when he got a no, he had enough sense to move on.
Today, the line between legitimate romantic pursuit and harassment can sometimes seem confusing. But there is an important distinction: asking someone out is not automatically sexual harassment. Refusing to accept “no,” abusing a position of authority, threatening someone’s employment or continuing unwanted sexual behavior can cross that line.
I absolutely believe sexual harassment exists. I believe some men sexually harass women, and when the evidence proves it, there should be serious consequences. But accusations should not automatically equal guilt. The accused deserves due process. The accuser deserves to be heard. And the public deserves the facts.
I also believe we should have a serious conversa tion about accountability when allegations involve government officials. If an individual is ultimately found personally responsible for misconduct, taxpayers understandably want to know why they should be left paying the bill.
Most importantly, the same standards should apply to everybody. If a man sexually harasses a woman, take it seriously. If a woman sexually harasses a man, take that seriously too. Sexual harassment should not have a gender. Neither should fairness.
Just sayin.