HOLIDAY BLUES

By Ellen E. Grant, PhD, LCSW-R- former Deputy Mayor, Continuing Community Leader 

So many people regardless of where they live, their religion or belief, feeling down during these Holiday times is something that can impact many. Decreased sunlight-dark by 5pm now and seeing commercial after commercial on what to buy are just two reasons that people may feel less than.

Ellen E. Grant, PhD

Holiday Blues is just sadness that can occur. Reasons for this Blues can be  because you’re missing deceased loved ones. Depending on the role of the deceased relative- your sadness may increase. Was it Grandma or Mom who did the majority of the cooking and no one in the family missing them has been able or even envisioned filling that role.  You may be estranged from a relative or loved one and that has left a dent in your heart.

 Perhaps you’ve lost a job and have the pressure of buying presents. Before the presents though you’re not sure how you’re going to feed your family. Heating your home and paying the heating bill with the approaching colder weather may be even higher on your “to-do” list.

Children with eyes wide watching tv see the commercials and may write to Santa asking for such gifts not knowing the family reality of what may be outside of the family budget.

Some people find themselves just feeling overwhelmed by their list of things to get done. If you’re hosting the Holiday family gathering you may be working but still have to get the house clean and welcoming for guests. Will you be responsible for buying, making everything on the meal menu or will it be shared? Will there be an argument about that?

At work you may have the pressure of buying gifts for your colleagues, attending the Holiday work party and appearing sociable even when you forgot to buy a present for your child’s teacher.

If you volunteer at your church, you may be expected to be generous with your gifts of time and or treasure when you’re barely hanging on with either. If you volunteer in a community organization, there’s similar pressure to give either one of these.

At the grocery store you’re invited to “round-up” or buy a bag of groceries for a family that has less than you do.  You may see bell ringers outside of stores asking for contributions. If your mail is like mine, daily floods from organizations from animal shelters to poor children overseas can pull at the heart strings as we begin to question if we’re doing enough in our charitable giving.

So, I will share some solutions to this whirlwind of emotions, things to get done and not enough time and or money to meet them.

First keep 988 in mind. I’ve mentioned this FREE 24/7 Crisis Line in past articles if you are depressed by all you may have going on in your life and just need a neutral person to speak with.

Please leave Guilt at the door. It’s a useless emotion as there’s nothing you can do with it except make yourself feel even worse.  Asking yourself what did I do wrong? Why didn’t I anticipate this? Life happens and we have to learn to adjust to the storms and sunrises that happen to us all.

Next, I’d suggest a family meeting to discuss the family budget, Holiday plans and expectations for not just the parents and or adults. For the children, depending on the ages, they need to be clued in on what the family can afford. If there is the pressure of job loss, loss of SNAP benefits, the family needs to know their Holiday (Christmas or other) may be less than expected.

If you can, do your best to delegate within your family and or at work is another suggestion. You’re not Superman or Superwoman! They left the building last week so stop trying to be everything to everybody.

Learn to say “NO”. You’ve heard No is a complete sentence. Co-workers and or family members who see you as a “soft touch” or people pleaser will be at your door thinking “I’ll just ask Denise to do it..she never says no”.  Do not allow yourself to be “used” to the point of exhaustion and or sickness.

Remember Self-Care in all of this hustle and bustle. If you need a vacation day to get a manicure of hair salon appointment, or get the house in order, doing so can recharge you to get to the rest of your to do list.

If you’re missing a beloved family member, ask relatives coming to your home to come ready to share a beloved family dish and or share a favorite story about the loved one no longer with you. This can help to keep their memory present. I’ve tried for years to make my Mother’s pound cake. Though she gave us the recipe, my sisters and I tried for years to make it like Mom’s and we were never successful. We still laugh about some secret ingredient our Mother unknowingly left out.

Be aware of triggers like alcohol and how “just one more toast” can be harmful to not only body, but your ability to drive safely.

If you have out-of-town relatives who aren’t able to join in the local celebration, try a group facetime or call on the speaker phone to try your best to include them in the celebration they’re missing.

Start your own tradition with your children for example. If you can’t afford a family outing to a movie, a trip to the library to check out Christmas and or Holiday books for good night stories can be calming and comforting to children.

The bottom line is that you are not alone in having these sad feelings, but knowing how to manage them is the key to getting to the next day, month, year.

BLESSED HOLIDAYS TO ALL!